I was quiet for a moment so that the man, so self-assured and strong willed and not accustomed to acknowledging the need for help, could reflect on his admissions. I then said, “There are some who must move on, and others who are afraid to move, as our attempted escapes enslave us either way. We all become older, and when we do, the amusements of life slowly lose their appeal, and although we think it is merely a matter of finding the right town or the right people, no place or acquaintances can live up to the illusions of our youth. The door to our many escapes then begins to close. When we are children, our minds are fearless and open, allowing us to be completely alive and in each moment without old memories and baggage. We can easily adapt to new situations and diverse friends, but as the years go by, we change in many ways, one of them being an increased discrimination and prejudicial judgment rooted in fear and based on our accumulated experiences. We become set in our habits, and when things don’t go our way, discontent arises. Time also compresses. Ten years in youth will be three years in old age because we have seen, untold times, the things a young person will see for the first time. The journey home is always swifter.” He looked distressed. He didn’t want to hear this but had no choice. Then he said, “Please, I know what you are saying and it is true, but it so difficult to accept.” “Do you wish for me to continue, for what I say you might not be pleasant to your mind?” “Yes,” he said, “of course continue. I’m sorry.” “Seeing new things and having new experiences will always appear to stretch time, this is why we escape into diversity. Sooner or later, however, we can no longer find anything new or interesting, then we come up against what we have been running from our entire lives; our wall of discontent where we realize that there is nothing in this world that we can really count on. Then we finally see the truth, which is emptiness. It is this emptiness that we have been avoiding with our mindless pursuits for so long.” I hesitated to see if he wanted to go on. What I was saying was not very uplifting for anybody who had everything invested in the world and depended on it for his or her happiness. Reality is Reality however, and the way of key seekers is not to manipulate words; they let the chips fall where they may. For those who have made the turn from the world, to key seeking, this Reality is not depressing in the least, quite the contrary; it is a ray of hope. Reality only hurts in the hearts of those caught in the quicksand of the world. The man looked up, saying that for some time, somewhere deep inside, he had actually been aware of the things that I spoke of, but for some reason he continued to search for that perfect situation where everything would be good again. Now he realized what he was looking for did not exist, and what he was finding was just loneliness. “I am grateful,” he said, “that you didn’t give me a typical sermon telling me how wonderful things are and how if I would just keep my mind busy and keep a bright outlook everything would be fine. This is what the priests in the kingdoms told me. They went as far to say that I was too pessimistic and that if I changed my mental attitude my life would continually improve.” “Many people who are ready to embark on the spiritual path are told by uninsightful people that they are too pessimistic,” I answered, “and the fact is, from a worldly point of view, they are unenthusiastic because they have stopped escaping into mental delusion. They begin to understand that anything acquired is easily taken away, and that anything found is easily lost. Therefore, they see quite clearly the danger of relying on the shifting sands of the world for their permanent security. This revelation, however, leaves them in a dilemma, because they do not yet have anything spiritual to fall back on. They only see the emptiness, and being unable to face this emptiness they are never able to see through to the other side. At this time their capacity to be ‘in the moment’ will determine whether they are ready to see, or whether they will remain in the dark.” His hapless eyes indicated that I should go on. “Those still in darkness need help in a different way, because they are too terrified to look at reality. My close proximity to them without troubling their minds and without frightening them with truth is the extent of assistance I can offer. In the mean time, they will still find pleasure in their expectations, but the results of those expectations - the realty at the end of those dreams - will devastate them. Then they will grow old and outlive their fantasies, and having nothing left, will either fall into great depression and anger, or succumb to some weak finality; some belief promoted by this group or that group and never have the satisfaction of knowing Reality for themselves.” “I don’t want this to happen to me, he said. I won’t surrender to that.” “Perhaps you are a warrior,” I said. “At any rate, you are a different case. You have seen the futility of searching for lasting happiness in the world of uncertainty and simply need reassurance regarding your observations. You are actually quite advanced, and really have no alternative but to seek a deeper reality even though you might continue your futile attempts at worldly escapes for some time.” “I am quickly running out of escapes, sir.” “Yes, you are. That is a very perceptive observation, but please understand that kamma does not die readily. Patterns of escape are similar to bad habits or addictions, and are painful to break. We are caught in a bear trap, you see; where it is painful to both remain in the trap or to tear ourselves out. Likewise, it is always your choice whether to linger in your familiar bondage or to risk freedom. From what you are telling me, however, you are able to discern that staying in the old familiar bondage eventually wears thin and comes to a dead-end, so it is painful to continue in the trap. However, tearing out of the trap involves facing the reality of discontent without the luxury of an immediate escape, for freedom requires a change and investigation of the heart, which is extremely painful in the beginning. Whether or not you have the courage to face this depends quite a lot on your experiences in past existences.” “I don’t know how much courage I have,” he confessed. When I feel lonely, I cannot help but look for one relationship after another. It is so terrifying to be alone; so frightening and threatening. Loneliness covers me like a blanket.” “You will never know the limits of your courage until you test it. You are middle aged now, and the rest of your time will go by quickly, not unlike a hazy, repetitive dream. Upon the death of this temporary body, you will find yourself either attached to this transient world, or inclined to give it up and go on. This inclination, one-way or the other will determine your future. If you love life and still believe that the world will satisfy you, then look forward to coming back many times and going through this experience repeatedly.” He looked at the ground considering the reality of going through many more lifetimes, recalling the fear and stress that accompanied this one. “I can tell you these things, but until you feel them in your heart,” I cautioned, “until the pain of this worldly existence makes itself known, you will probably not consider seriously what I tell you. If you do consider what I say, then the way to feel them in your heart is to sit calmly and let the mind relax from its desperate escapes. Face your discontent and the reality of emptiness. The inner work will cut through much of your confusion quickly, but very few have the courage or will take the time to see the significance of this sitting in silence. Appearances can be deceiving; a key seeker sitting in the forest looks to be asleep with nothing happening, but in truth, everything is happening. It is just occurring at very deep levels and not apparent to an unrefined mind. It is interesting that the more familiar we become with this inner work, the more interesting it becomes, but the more familiar we become with the world, the more contemptible it becomes. “I must go now, but let me assure you that if you ever feel inclined to begin this inner work, sincere effort will bring results in many ways. You will find yourself being less confused and angry. Your attitude toward others will be more cooperative and less competitive, and your inclination to attach and cling to harmful things will decrease, while there will be less aversion and a natural openness toward inspiring things. Desires will be less lustful, and you will be less conceited. You will become less cynical and skeptical as your concerns of being lied to disappear, simply because you will see through each lie, leaving you with a feeling of compassion for those who are so confused, insecure, and fearful that they are forced into falsehood. Your restlessness and sadness will subside as energy levels increase, and as you become more sensitive to unkind acts, you will know the far-reaching results of those actions, and how they affect you, as well as everybody you touch. The worries over your failures in the world and concerns over such things as your death or the death of family and friends will become less of a burden, and your sorrow will diminish appreciably. Physical and mental pain will largely cease, as you will become familiar with the common characteristics of existence; impermanence, discontent and no self.” His eyes revealed an intense interest as if he had a momentary insight, but then he admitted that he wasn’t sure if he had the courage to change his course in life at this late date. “Only your heart can tell you whether or not you are ready for this inner work,” I said, “so listen carefully to your heart for it is a still, quiet voice.” This was more than enough for him to think about, so I bowed, indicating the conversation was over. He was on his way to the truth and I silently wished him complete happiness in his quest, as he slowly walked away pondering his future. (To be continued) (hr) E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, .SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-nine years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit .AYearToEnlightenment.com
